Monday, May 16, 2005

Good Reasons To Get Off and Paul Wiczynski both blogged on this conservative Christian dude writing about why Christians shouldn't date:

From the article:

Some of the Problems with Dating...
Dating promotes lust and moderate sexual activity, opening the door for fornication.
Dating develops a self-centered, feeling-oriented concept of love.
Dating creates a permanent endorphin-bond between two people who will not spend their lives together.
Dating teaches people to break off difficult relationships, conditioning them more for divorce than marriage.
Dating develops an appetite for variety and change, creating dissatisfaction within marriage.
Dating lacks the protections and guidance afforded by parental involvement of courtship.
Dating doesn't prepare children to face "life's realities"
Dating devalues sex and marriage.
Dating leads to intimacy but not necessarily to commitment.
Dating tends to skip the "friendship" stage of a relationship.
Dating often mistakes a physical relationship for love.
Dating often isolates a couple from other vital relationships.
Dating, in many cases, distracts young adults from their primary responsibility of preparing for the future.
Dating can cause discontentment with God's gift of singleness.
Dating creates an artificial environment for evaluating another person's character.

Okay, now. This guy is obviously a totally paternalistic Bible-thumper, but he makes some damn persuasive points about dating as the ultimate consumeristic activity. Single PeaceBangers: read the article and tell me if you don't think that some of it actually resonates. More than some, in fact.

P.S. I thought I just couldn't find a decent guy. I'm so glad to know what's really going on here: It's "God gift of singleness!"
Oh thank you, Gawd. But what I really wanted was that cute pair of Franco Sartos at Nordstrom's. Size 6 1/2.


Blogger Chalicechick said...

TheCSO and I never "dated."

He and I were good friends in college in North Carolina. I was involved with a guy in VA. Guy in VA rarely called when he was supposed to.

Dec 5, 1999, TheCSO and I were hanging out in my dorm room watching The Golden Girls. Guy in VA was going to call.

He didn't call.

Frustrated with him, I asked TheCSO if he wanted to spend the night.

Dumped Guy in VA over Christmas break.

The CSO and I got married last November.

Which goes to show that dating really is unnecessary.

But I don't think these people would have liked our approach either.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

The man does have a point!

I am all for protecting my sons from the horrors of going to the prom and having to pose for a picture in front of the tackiest set imaginable especially while dressed in a dated costume that cost me money!

While we're on the subject, It'd be great if we could roll back the clocks to biblical times for a few other things. How about Hygeine? I'd love to anoint some of my wife's friends with oil when they come over to visit. The good stuff of course.

Oh yeah, let's roll back medical care too. I think it's about time that the average life span be 37. I'm 38! It'd sure help get the population crisis back in the right direction. Speaking of the census, I understand that a big reason for the people of ancient Israel to have children was posterity. That's a much better reason than wanting to bump uglies with the misses after a night drinking sammy light and oogling at all the skinny chicks - don't ya think?

Anonymous Oversoul said...

What does this guy want then, arranged marriage? Is there a chart that shows which tribe can marry which? jeesh...

Blogger PeaceBang said...

Yes, yes, kids, I know. The guy's a Yahwist caveman. But ASIDE from that, are you willing to look at his concerns with the Kleenexy-throw-away nature of dating relationships and attitudes that dating can perpetuate? Tell me they have no merit, and I'll tell you that every one of your dating relationships has turned into a blissful LTR, and ended respectfully and by mutual consent.
And I'll say, wow, yer lucky.

PB, still warmly cherishing God's gift of singleness.

Blogger PeaceBang said...

(CC, you huzzy!)

Anonymous Oversoul, the wise, the magnificent said...

My relationships have fallen into several general categories: 1. one-off dates (dinner/lunch/coffee) usually in response to personal ads 2. short-term relationships (one slowly begins to realize that one's SO is insane and so one stops the train wreck) 3. um, "amorous encounters of a limited time nature" and 4. long-term relationships.

Most of mine have fallen into #2, but I've been in a #4 for 6.5 years now.

I think of dating in general as #1 and #2; I think that it’s necessary and wise to spend time with a person (dating if you will) before making a commitment; that necessitates that bailing from the relationship be an open and real option. Maybe I’m just out of the loop, but I don’t see a lot of people who are using the experience of #2’s as a springboard for serial marriages or “devalued sex.”

Moreover (I just like to pepper my speech with big words for no real reason) I think that this guy is another “the sky is falling the good old days were much better we’re in a moral decay” alarmist. Are some people jerks? Sure. But is that a reason to go to red alert? I think not.

But then again, what the hell do I know?

Blogger Oblate-Man said...

To Oversoul: So you think that the 80% or so of the world's population that has some degree of arranged marriages as the norm are deficient or primitive?

Keep in mind that the idea of romantic love, emotional compatibility, or personal choice as grounds for marriage are relatively new-- only in the last 600 years or so (beginning with the Renaissance). Not that those things did not exist. But they were not the criteria or norms for selection of marriage partners. And somehow we managed to populate this world and create a semblance of stability in both family and society.

OK, so maybe those days are dead, or at least dying, in the West. What have we gotten in return for our enlightened ways? Higher divorce rates, an explosion of the teenage birth rate, a culture obsessed with finding "true love," billions of dollars spent on relational therapy, and on and on and on.

Would it be ridiculous to try to go back to "the good old days?" Of course. But that doesn't mean there aren't some issues to be examined, and some choices to be made by people, both single and married, about the nature of marriage.


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