Saturday, April 30, 2005

Runaway Bride

I love this.

Nervous Nervy Bride
Originally uploaded by

This woman from Georgia disappeared a few days before her wedding. A major womanhunt ensued. She called her fiancee from a phone booth claiming that she had been kidnapped, then later recanted the tale, saying that she had cold feet and needed some time alone.

Peacebang hates to make snap judgments based on one photo, but dear readers, don't you just think this jittery bride needed, at the very least, a good meal and some time off the Stairmaster?

Wedding invitations went to 600 guests and the bride and groom each had 14 attendants.

That's not a wedding, my little peach blosson, that's a bloody coronation!
No wonder you went kaflooey! Mere mortals should never attempt to plan such a production without the help of David Merrick or perhaps Busby Berkeley. Cecil B. DeMille?

Of course Ms. Bride should be soundly spanked for scaring everyone so much (not to mention wasting tax dollars on police involvement) and for lacking the nerve to just call the whole thing off, but she represents brides and grooms everywhere who have serious reservations about walking down the aisle, but who silence their anxieties because they're too deeply into the grips of the Wedding Industrial Complex.

Here's to Just Calling It Off when you need to.

Peacebang wishes the couple every happiness, together or apart.


"On Sunday, members of Peachtree Corners Baptist Church [how much do you love that?], where Mason is a member, said prayers and expressed concern for the couple, who did not attend services Sunday morning. [ya THINK?]

Hometown anger persists. Many in Duluth were visibly angry Saturday. “There should be some responsibility for all this expense to the police,” said Jo Cripps, eating boiled crawfish at a downtown Cajun restaurant. “Certainly she owes an apology to all the people who came out and volunteered.”

(Italics mine, of course. You know that reporter waited around in that restaurant all day waiting for someone to make a comment while eating boiled crawfish.)


Blogger Steve Caldwell said...

No news cycle is complete without "onion"-style parody articles ... check these out:

Jennifer Wilbanks: “I hate those big Georgia weddings!”

Jennifer Wilbanks a Real Runaway Bride

Blogger Wino McHackenpuke said...

She looks like a lunatic.


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