Wednesday, August 02, 2006

PeaceBang Loves Life

Hi there. Haven't you all been busy little blogging beavers while I've been away.
I came home to almost 150 comments so excuse me for not responding to many individually. Thank you for reading and for contributing to our little salon here.

I just spent a week in Canada. I was supposed to be there for five days but I left my passport at home so I had to languish in Montreal having fun, giggling with Peter and shopping until the Fed Ex guy arrived.

Example of giggling: Peter has Banana Shampoo from the Body Shop. After I took my shower, I stuck my head out out the door and asked Peter if there were any monkeys in Montreal. "Um, noooo, I don't think so," he answered. "Why?"
"Well, because if there are any, they're going to jump all over my head so they can lick my hair," I said.
It was like that all day. But soooo hot and muggy. We'd walk half a block and start to moan and kvetch. So fun.

I have had the whole month off, and I feel like a new person.

I can count the numbers of church calls on two hands. We have only had one very sad crisis.
I have not preached, but have attended churches that made me happy to be a woman of faith and grateful to be a Christian. I have looked forward to church as the highlight of my week. Every service has ministered to me in some deep way, even when the sermon wasn't scintillating or the welcome enthusiastic.
I love the Church. I believe in the Holy Spirit now more than ever. I believe now more than ever that we are living in God's world and that God is constantly, out of sheer grace, equipping us to deal with the mess and the miracle of this world. In these past days when the news out of Lebanon has filled me with dread and despair, I am strengthened only by faith. I praise God on my knees.

Did I have an active anxiety disorder this past year? It is greatly healed. And why?
Because for the past month, I have shared the simple sacrament of shared meals with friends and loved ones almost every day, and have spent every day in the company of people I trust and cherish. I had never before connected my single status with my struggle against chronic anxiety, but after five weeks in shared space with relatively little solitude, I realize that I have been very lonesome. Not lonely, lonesome. Too much in the buzz of my own mind, too much bustling to take care of every little detail of life alone, too much phone and e-mail and not enough companionable silence in the same room, or on the dock, or by the pool, or in the living room.
You people who live with people, treasure those dinners together. Treasure just the standing side by side and chopping vegetables or slicing bread. Open your doors, if you can, to those who live alone. What you have is a beautiful opportunity to close out the day in a spirit of communion. Hey, even invite the pain-in-the-ass single friend, for by doing so some have entertained angels unaware.

In the past weeks, I have had occasion to give my undivided attention to my faith, and to ask myself What Do I Believe? Why do I believe it? Given what I believe, what is required of me?

I cannot express to you the joy of floating in Lac Vert in St. Adolphe and just thinking about these things uninterrupted, and actually being able to follow the train of my own thought down deep, with no phone, no e-mails, no distractions, and no duties calling me away.

so that's where I been.


Blogger CK said...

Sounds wonderful. Thanks for sharing a bit with us.

Blogger Peregrinato said...

Wow. I honestly wish I had a month off, and could return to a job I love :(


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