Horrible Clothes This Season
Not just ugly, depressing. The colors for spring seem to be something I would call Vomitous Autumnal Hues. It's even worse than two years ago's lime green trend.
There are these hideous capri pants everywhere, just the right length for oompa-loompas, and something they're calling GAUCHOS. This caused me great consternation as I recalled the last time gauchos came around it was the 70's and they even made my little sixth grade self look like something that could set sail with one stiff wind. Nowadays gauchos are short pants that flare mid-calf. They're rather entertaining, but I'm not sure that entertaining is a quality I seek in a pair of trousers.
Then there's this third offensive trend that I am calling Brokeback Mountain Girl, which features frilly shirts and vaguely cowboy-esque vests and lots and lots of lace. Lace on skirts, lace on t-shirts, lace on jeans. This stuff looked okay during the "Urban Cowboy" phase when we were young and dewy and looked like Debra Winger. Now we're old and tired and fat, and even though we love our cowboy boots, the bustiers just make us look like Miss Kitty wandered into the church office.
To the fashion designers out there, let me whisper this in your ear: Excuse me, sirs and madames. There is an obesity epidemic in this country, in case you hadn't heard. You could be helping motivate us to lose weight by designing items that are actually flattering, like well-tailored trousers and elegant blouses and smart blazers with defined waists. Would a modest sleeve be too much to ask? Something that isn't ruched and tied, for the love of Diana Vreeland?
I'm going to the hairdresser tomorrow morning, as I feel lately as though I've been hit hard with the ugly stick.