I Wish They Knew How To Quit It
Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger, ya'll can stop giving interviews about how gay you AREN'T since the great, smashing success of "Brokeback Mountain," 'kay?
I mean, did Daniel Day Lewis need to keep giving interviews about how able-bodied he is in real life when "My Left Foot" was released? Did Al Pacino feel the need to constantly re-affirm that he can, in fact, see, when he played a blind man in the acclaimed "Scent of a Woman?" And how about Sissy Spacek? She's not really a coal miner's daughter, but she didn't have to keep reminding interviewers of the fact when she played one in the movies.
Boys, enough is enough. We know ya'll are actors. Actors play humans. Some male humans fall in love with, and like to make out with, other male humans. We know you're not really in true life wild for each other's mojos. You did a great job acting like it, though, which you should have, 'cause that's your job and you get well paid for it.
Ladies, you doth protest too much. To gently misquote one of the finest lines in your film, I wish you knew how to quit it.