Thursday, August 17, 2006

If You Can Follow This, You Get a Gold Star

Let me just say this about romance, because I know whereof I speak.

Many of you have had a First Love, a wild love, a love that tore your heart to shreds and taught you a whole lot of what you needed to know about how hard you can fall and how intensely you can need someone.

Maybe you wound up in the lifetime relationship with that person and they're sitting on the couch across from you now with their toes all corny and every inch of their body as familiar to you as the cushions on that couch. You love this person dearly but you can't for the life of you conjure up the initial passion of your first years together. It morphed into something warmer and more solid than the original heartthrob.

Maybe you didn't end up in a lifetime relationship with that person. If that's the case, there are two options that can occur when you see them again after some time has passed:
1. You can feel nothing much at all and think, "Wow, that sure was a lot of passion over someone I don't even feel a twinge for anymore." Or, conversely, you can think,
2. "Wow, even after all this time there is no question why I was madly in love with this person."

If it should happen that you feel the second option, (are you still with me?), you have two MORE options from there. You can either think,

1. Dang, this is tragic. I will never love me any honeylamb so much as I loved this big galoot, and now I must plot and connive how to get this babe back in my life.
Or, you can think,
2. Dang, I will never love me any honeylamb the way I loved this big galoot, but you know, we just couldn't live together, and that's a fact, Jack.

And you just sit there considering that maybe the essence of spirituality is to let go of creating unnecessary storms in your soul. You could, and you'd have every good reason to, but you decide not to because God has better things for you to do.

If you weren't able to follow, the moral of the story is just this:

Just because the people on the e-Harmony commercial all got to marry their soulmates doesn't mean you'll get to. Sometimes your soulmate (or you) marry someone else, and it's just fine. Just pack waterproof mascara in case the force of that reality hits you all at once while you're walking in Times Square.


Blogger dame olympia's page said...

My soulmate and I are still friends...
and we've been through hell and back.
But every time I spend time with him, my heart breaks just a littlebit more.

Good thing he lives far away and has a full life, huh?

Hugs, Peacebang. Hugs to you.

Dame O.

Blogger Globalite76 said...

I think there's a third option. Upon seeing First Love again you may feel the hatred of a thousand white hot suns. Just because you loved somebody once, doesn't mean they were worthy. I know what it's like to love someone, and think I was loved in return. But the callously casual way he ended things said alot.
So while I have not seen him in several years, I fear that if I do, the emotional response will be strong and unpleasant. But who knows? Maybe if I ever see him again I will be able to view the wasted years as a learning experience and feel nothing much about him at all. I hope so.

Blogger Chalicechick said...

My response to my first love is:

"I can certainly see why I loved this person so much and he IS wonderful in his way, but boy, did we grow up to be really different on all the things that matter for building a marriage. Our values, our ideas about finances and children, our religions, even our levels of ambition are totally different. One of these differences could be overcome, but we're just not suited for each other. His and my very different spouses are both lucky to have us."

(This is roughly answering both questions with "2," I suppose.)

He's my honorary brother.


Blogger powderblue said...

That short post is more illuminating and
wrenching than not just a few insightful movies of the human condition I’ve seen, and I’m not stuck with an overpriced bag of salty popcorn I don’t need.

Blogger Girl said...

OooOooOOoo!!! I followed the story.

Sorry about the tears. Can I offer up a tissue?

Blogger PeaceBang said...

Thanks, girl(s). I'm REALLY FINE! I actually welcome those Big Whomp moments, because they put into very stark clarity the choices you make in life, and how much deeper and richer life can be when you don't try to follow the typical script. I mean, hey, we could have just gone on to have a miserable, tormented marriage like millions of folks, right? This way is so much more interesting.

Blogger Chelle said...

PB I know what you're getting at, but that's not what struck me about this post.

Whenever I see the eHarmony commercial I always tell the people in it to shut up so I can listen to the song in background.

"This Will Be" is Natalie Cole back in her drugged-out days of the 70s. Great music and runs rings around these little R&B chippys today.


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