Thursday, September 15, 2005

No More 'Mokin', 'Tay?

Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

O PeaceBangers with caring hearts!

I am not really a smoker. I learned how to smoke in 9th grade when Mrs. Russell-Tutty cast me as Marty in "Grease," and I had to make one entrance smoking a cigarette. I had been initiated into the world of Virginia Slims by Lisa Cardone in the 8th grade, but they made me so sick that I wanted nothing to do with them.
But I was a stah, and I had to smoke.

Can you imagine a drama teacher requiring a kid to smoke today!!??? I cackle into my sleeve just thinking about it!

I smoked occassionally in high school, and then not really at all in college. I picked up cigarettes in Divinity School, rolling my own with a filter.

I smoked very occasionally over the subsequent ten years. My practice now is to get one pouch of rolling tabaccy in the summertime, and just roll and smoke 'em until the pack is gone, which is usually around October.

The truth is, the vast majority of my sermons and articles come to me while sitting in the driveway having some tobacco. I only ever have one (ciggie, not idea) at a time.

Remember the SNL skit about "The Dark Side of Buckwheat?" It featured shaky hand-cam work and grainy film. In it, Eddie Murphy lurched around as "Bu'meat" a room full of producers and Hollywood starlets playing his best enfant terrible. At one point, he crams himself between two bosomy blondes and says, "Let's make a Bu'meat sandwich!" A man comes into the frame smoking a cigarette. Buckwheat orders the man to come closer.

"Tum here. TUM here," he says.
The man inches closer.
"Dimme yer tigarette. DIMME yer tigarette," orders Buckwheat.

The man hands it over.
"Dimme yer hand." The man hesitates. "DIMME yer hand," insists the irate superstar.
And the man does.

Buckwheat then puts the cigarette out in the man's palm to the accompaniment of a horrid sizzling sound.

"No more 'mokin,' 'tay?" says Buckwheat.

And my brother and sister and I have never stopped laughing about it.

I know, we should all take Buckwheat's stern admonition to heart.
I'm glad I never got truly addicted. Brother and Sister of PeaceBang both smoke, and it upsets me a lot.

P.S. Fausto, you CANNOT eat the cigarettes! No!


Blogger fausto said...

I could eat the hand, then. Even some fingernail clippings would hit the spot about now.

You going to use that filter when you're done with it?

Blogger PeaceBang said...

The fingernails are FAKE and you can't have them EITHER.


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