Sunday, April 10, 2005

The Queen is Not Amused

She either just had some yummy taffies and is licking her lips, or Her Royal Highness is hissing at Camilla.

The Queen is Not Amused

Did you know they got married without a pre-nup? Aw come on! Tha's so roMANTICAL!

Today was like summer and I'm positively giddy. But it's more than the weather. I shot my Inner Critic dead a few days ago in preparation for my 40th birthday in nine months, and it's really quite the little key to happiness.

For example:

Previous inner thoughts: "I really want to go to S's poetry reading this afternoon but I'm really tired after church and teaching a session on UU theological foundations, and I really should get some work done and make that hospital visit -- but if I DO go all the way to Concord I should take a long, brisk walk around Walden Pond, because if I don't I'm obviously a worthless, fat, undisciplined cow."

Typical Result: Go home, take overly-long nap, maybe make hospital visit with raccoon eyes from nap, flop around listlessly with Sunday paper, fail to achieve work or study goals, suffer extreme guilt.

New inner thought process:
"Gee, I sure am tired after church but I'd love to see S do her reading, so I'll run home and change and get to Concord. [after...] That was a great reading. I am so proud and happy for my friend. I have no desire to take a healthy walk around Walden Pond so I think I'll buy a mango smoothie and stop by the hospital on the way home. I might read the paper, might not. But I've surely worked hard enough today."

Result: Sanity, lovely poetry reading, good smoothie, pleasant hospital visit, and a nice dinner. Probably a good night's sleep, too.

As part of this program, you may not catch sight of your own reflection in store windows and think unkind thoughts about any part of your anatomy. The proper response upon seeing your reflection is, "Well, there I am. Yes, that sure is me." And if that recognition doesn't come with a sense of fond intimacy and acceptance, walk up to the window and find something you like in the reflection stat. Nostrils will do. Anything.

If I keep this up I'll have a best-selling self-help book idea in no time. Except that part of my new program is to decide that I DON'T CARE if I don't write a book any time soon. I figure I've written about 300 pages in sermons over the past nine months, not to mention articles and essays. Repeat after me, 'cause you know you need to hear it, too:


Good girl/boy.
Welcome to the revolution.


Blogger T-man-Sam_former Visigoth and musical Goddess said...

(I have noticed my reflection doesn't show up in storefront windows.... nor mirrors... I wonder why??)

God luv the Queen. Just this once! (As I want the foreign broad offa my money in my lifetime! --I think Sinatra referred to Lizzy as a broad).

The Queen gave a funny toast at din-din for her numnuts son Prince Tampon Charley.
It seems she compared Charley and Bowels to the Grand National Steeplechase englands biggest horse race. The National was delayed until the silly services for Chuckie and the dowager were wrapped up.
Englands Queen referenced the National and the jumps the horsies hurdle to what her son and his new wife had to go through! Are the pasture, grazing and bride of Chuckie ever far apart??

Good on the Queen, I hope she gave the wedded a place in the stable and some fresh hay!

I do want to see the headline "Charles Bowels moves in Windsor Castle."


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