Friday, December 31, 2004

Commercials PeaceBang Hates

(1) I hate that Toyota Tacoma television ad that mocks humanitarian organizations. There's a young chick wearing Daisy Dukes who stands in front of the truck with a fake tear running down her cheek, and she says something like, "For only dollars a day, you can save a truck from flatbed abuse!" There is something so especially American about this kind of materialistic mockery, and it is absolutely despicable. I called Toyota and gave them a piece of my mind. Feel free to join me: (800)-331-4331, ext. 3 (Monday through Friday, 6-6 Pacific time)

(2) I hate those commercials for female Viagra that feature a bunch of middle-aged mostly white women talking about how now that they're taking sexifying-pills, they feel like THEMSELVES again. Girls, I've got news for ya: There ain't no pill that can make you "yourself" again -- and why should we equate the Self with sexual libido. Sheesh, what a euphemism!

(3) Speaking of Viagra, there is a spot for just that drug that features a creepy, sneering Boomer-aged man walking down the street with his perky gal. He sports computer-generated cartoon horns on his head, which the Viagra people would like us to understand identifies him as a "horny little devil." Isn't that charming, and mature? This is part of the dreary juvenile approach to sexuality that keeps America such a hot spot of sexual shame and violence, pornography and misogyny among the so-called developed nations. Also, don't the geniuses who produced this spot know that those horns are an ancient symbol for the cuckold?

(4) Whenever I drive in Boston traffic I imagine that all the insane motorists are fuming at the wheel because they really believe in those car commercials they see that bear no resemblance whatsoever to the reality of driving in New England. They're all zooming up my trunk end yammering on their phones, drinking their Dunks coffee and going, "Get out of my way so I open this thing up on all those scenic, winding mountain passes already!" Everyone's in their own private NASCAR. It's unbelievably treacherous and hateful. Can we introduce legislation that makes extreme tailgating at high speeds a hate crime?


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